The Rejected Luna’s Prince By Aurora Archer
Chapter 55 – Insecurities
(Willa)
At dinner that night we were still seated at the head table but placed at the end, not in the place of honor. If it was meant to be a slight, it wasn’t one we minded. I didn’t want to have to make small talk with these people. We got what we came for; now, we just had to show face out of politeness for the other Alphas and Lunas.
After the last plate was cleared, Caspien went to get us a drink.
Nolan’s Gamma, Jack, came up to our end of the table.
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“Can we talk?” He asked, looking nervous. I nodded, and we took a few steps away from the head table. Nolan’s gaze followed us.
He pulled me into an apprehensive hug, “I missed you, Willa. We all did.” He whispered.
I hugged him back tighter. I missed him.
After a long moment, I let him go, “Well, not all.” I said, and he laughed once.
I studied him; he seemed to have come into his own these past few years. Gone was the slightly lanky boy and a filled-out man stood in front of me. He ran a hand through his brown waves and gave me a timid smile.
“Me and Issac did, at least.” He mentioned Nolan’s Beta, “I wanted to talk to you last night, but everything was just so-”
“Hectic,” I said, and he flashed me a smile nodding.
“One h*ell of an entrance,” He shook his head, smiling, “It was f*uc*king incredible. You showed back up with The Prince in that dress.” He grabbed my arms and squeezed them, awe and pride on his face.
Caspien came up behind me, and Jack released me from his embrace, looking nervous again.
“Sorry,” Jack said.
“You’re allowed to touch my mate,” Caspien said, “If she will allow it, that is,” He added darkly and looked at me; I nodded once, telling him it was.
“Jack, meet my mate, Caspien,” I turned to Caspien, “This is Nolan’s Gamma Jack and my friend.” I smiled.
It felt good to know that at least he didn’t share in the misplaced anger Nolan and Camilla seemed to have for me.
“Nice to meet you,” Caspien said, shaking his hand, “I’m going to sit back down. Find me when you’re finished.” Caspien nodded to us both.
I was immensely grateful to be able to finish this conversation with Jack alone. I saw how people cowered in my mate’s presence, and I wanted to have an open conversation.
“Willa,” His voice lowered, and he looked sad, almost pained, “We didn’t know about your child with Nolan, we didn’t know you were pregnant. But even despite that, when he decided to choose Camilla because of the baby, we weren’t okay with it.”
“But you’re here,” I looked at him.
“I am,” He rubbed the back of his neck, “I couldn’t; we couldn’t leave. The title, the legacy,” He shrugged, “But I just want you to know it didn’t sit right with us, and even more so now.” He couldn’t meet my eyes.
“Thank you,” I breathed, “I don’t blame you, honestly, I don’t,” I shook my head, taking his hands in my mind f.orcing him to look at me, “I get it, you both were Nolan’s friends since birth. I know where loyalties lie.”
“But Willa-”
I shook my head once, “I get it. I understand.” I really did. Even at the time, I knew that logically people wouldn’t side against their Alpha, not because of a rejection at least.
“However,” I went on, “Just because I understood, it didn’t lessen the pain. I lost everything that I knew in that one moment, and I wanted him to feel a fraction of what he put me through,” I laughed once; it came out dry and as hollow as I felt saying that. I just wanted Nolan to feel a shadow of the sharp sting of betrayal. Or I used to; I realized now that I genuinely didn’t care.
“I know, well, I can’t imagine. I wanted to reach out, but no one knew where you were. Lola refused to tell us.”
I smiled at that. I told her not to give away my location, and she stayed true to what I wanted. She was the only person that knew where we were. I knew if I told anyone else or let her tell anyone, I would have waited and wished for someone, anyone, to reach out. Instead of subjecting myself to that hope and pain, I completely cut off any c.ontact, for self-preservation.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry, and I wish things were different,” He met my eyes, and I saw the sincerity in them.
“Thank you, but I don’t.” I was being honest, “I’m happy, so indescribably happy,” A smile crept onto my face.
“Good,” He smiled back, “I’m happy that you’re happy. That’s all I wanted,” He said, lowering his voice.
Goddess, I didn’t realize how much I missed him.
It felt good to know he was actually a friend despite it all. It helped sew up a bit of me that still held onto that confused anger that was so ingrained in my life before.
“Friends? Still friends?” He asked.
“Yes,” I nodded once. I would make an effort to keep in touch with him, “I’ll give you my address now,” He laughed once.
“No need, I’ll just look for a castle,” He smiled.
“Find me later?” I asked him. He nodded once, looking as relieved as I felt.
I fell into the chair next to Caspien. I couldn’t help smiling. We got the votes, and talking to Jack was just the cherry on top of it all.
“Good conversation?” Caspien grabbed my hand and placed it on his lap.
“Yes,” I beamed at him, “I just, I don’t know. I didn’t know what they thought after it all happened..” I trailed off, “It was nice to talk to him. I didn’t realize how much I missed him.” I shrugged.
“Good,” He leaned forward to place a k*iss on my forehead, sending more warmth through me, “It’s over now, Willa.” He smiled at me, a genuine one I hadn’t seen all afternoon.
The drinks flowed, and we fell into conversation, letting the others start mingling before we would join them.
Hugo, Nolan’s dad, scooted closer to us, and I shut my eyes, breathing out of my nose.
Please don’t be a d*ic*k, please don’t be a d*ic*k.
“My grandson is the blessed wolf.” He said, it wasn’t quite a question, “Also, I have another grandson,” He said, frowning into his drink.
“Alpha Hugo,” I didn’t mean to use his title, but it was second nature. He was Alpha for the entirety of my time at this pack, “I didn’t intend to keep it from you. Honestly,” My voice caught as I was transported back to that time, that person that I was.
“I thought my son would grow up here with another set of loving grandparents.” I closed my eyes, Emmett got that anyways with Caspien’s parents, but back then, I would have never thought that would be possible.
“It was never my intention to hurt you or Natalie. Telling you would have caused more strain. Nolan knew, it was his decision whether to share the information.”
Hugo looked at me, his eyes widened slightly, but he nodded.
“You’re right. You’re right,” He nodded again, “I’m not mad at you. I understand. Just the situation. It’s s*hi*t.”
I laughed once, “Yes, it wasn’t the most fun time for me either, and I know this situation is muddy, to put it gently,” I tried to give him a smile, “I’m happy that I have him, I wouldn’t change a day of my life because it resulted in my son. I just,” I took a steadying breath, “ I don’t think it had to be that difficult.” I swallowed.
Why were these memories still painful?
Even though I had Caspien by my side and a happy, healthy boy, it didn’t completely erase the pain of the past. I could still remember the hurt, the betrayal, the unrelenting anger.
Even if it was a whisper of the feelings I felt then, it was enough to tighten my stomach.
How did I get through that?
I had no idea, honestly.
How did I physically get through that amount of pain and anger? What would I have become if I didn’t pull myself out of it? Even after the years in the cabin, that pain still lingered deep inside.
If Cali and Caspien didn’t help me find and re-shape myself- I shook my head.
It didn’t matter. I didn’t succumb to that part of me. I clawed my way out.
This is who I was, and the pain shaped me but it didn’t become me.
“I know I don’t have a place to ask this, but if you ever wanted him to meet us, I would be open to that,” Hugo’s eyes shone, mirroring mine. Caspien rubbed circles on the back of my hand, it was a soothing reminder that he was there, that I had him.
“It’s up to Emmett,” I said.
“Emmett,” Hugo repeated his name.
I nodded once. It seemed like he had so much more to say but he got up and left after politely saying goodbye to Caspien and I.
I didn’t know how I felt about it all, but overall I felt good. Getting everything out in the open felt so relieving. It felt even better knowing that Hugo at least didn’t hate Emmett just because he could be competition for his other grandson’s title.
“Can we go soon?” Caspien asked.
“You read my mind,”
We stood and walked around, speaking to the Alphas and Lunas. We personally thanked them for supporting us. We made polite small talk with the others that voted no, but by Caspien’s tone, it was very obvious that they were not in our good graces.
I could see the unanswered questions in everyone’s eyes about Nolan and my history. But that’s all that it was, history. The truth has a way of showing itself. I didn’t need to say anything negative about Nolan or Blue Ridge; they could form their opinions on their own.
“We did it,” I breathed once we spoke to the last group of Alphas and Lunas.
He smiled at me, my smile, the one that met his eyes and brightened them, “Our son will be safe, and no one will think to cross us again.” I felt his anger, but it actually comforted me.
Knowing that he claimed Emmett as his own, not just in words but in feelings, was something I never dreamed of.
I knew he didn’t do it for me. He loved Emmett because of who Emmett was.
They accepted each other; loved each other on their own.
I couldn’t put into words, even to myself, what that meant to me.
“I’m going to the bathroom, don’t leave without me.” I excused myself as he got pulled into another conversation.
I left the ballroom, and a flurry of emotions warred for my time.
But I felt relief primarily—a happy release.
I was back here, the place I built up so horribly in my mind. I came back as a new person. I came back as someone who commanded more respect than I did here as the future Luna.
The comparison between who I was here and who I was now was jarring. I couldn’t put it together, but I could appreciate it.
I felt at ease, calm, and overwhelmingly happy to know that I could leave this place behind me in a different light than when I last did.
I turned the corner to the public restrooms as Nolan walked out of his office. He took a step back, looking at me, a large glass of whiskey in his hand.
Just the person I didn’t want to see. I f*orc*ed a polite smile.
“Willa,” I didn’t like his name in my mouth, he raked his gaze over me. I was still wearing the suit from this afternoon, not caring enough to change.
“Nolan,” I responded curtly, walking past him.
He grabbed my arm, and anger coursed through me. I jerked out of his hand, fixing him with a steady, confident glare I didn’t have to fake.
“Do not touch me,” I said slowly, meeting his eyes.
The eyes that used to undo me, made me submit and accept anything he said. I didn’t hate him for who I used to be. I didn’t even hate my past self. But I regretted how he made me feel even when we were together and what I accepted from him in the name of what I thought was love.
He gave me a smile, more of a smirk, and took a sip of his drink.
“Revenge looks good on you.”
“Revenge?” I scoffed.
To diminish everything he did to me, to reduce everything about my life now to one word..
Revenge.
I smiled despite myself, almost laughing, “Revenge?” I asked him, taking a lazy step towards him.
“None of this for you because of you.” I shook my head but didn’t drop his gaze.
I felt my anger flare up. I wanted to scream at him to tell him just how little I thought of him, but that would give him too much satisfaction.
I settled on the truth, “You aren’t a thought to me anymore.” I paused, “This is me accepting what I deserve and being happy with my family. You don’t exist in my world,” I looked him over, and his smirk fell only slightly, “If you think my happiness is revenge, well, you must have an inflated sense of self-importance.” I shook my head,
“Willa,” His voice softened, but my name sounded strained against his lips.
“There is nothing that I want nor need to hear from you. Whatever you are about to say is only for your benefit, not mine.” His mouth fell slightly open.
I waited for this moment for ages, and now that it was here, I realized I didn’t need to hear anything from him. I moved past it without anything from him, and nothing he could say would make me feel any better.
I used to want to ask him why. I would replay every scenario in my mind during those first long lonely months in the cabin.
I wanted him to grovel, apologize, to explain it in a way that made sense because none of it did. I needed to know how he could hurt me in such a way; I needed it to make sense.
I had wanted this moment for so long, but now that it was here, I realized I didn’t need his validation. I didn’t need any explanation or apology. I didn’t need anything from him.
“You’ve changed.” He muttered.
“And you haven’t.” I shot back.
He clenched his fist, and anger and sadness seemed to war on his face.
“I liked you better when you weren’t such a b*itc*h,” He spat, and I smiled.
“I almost forgot that you don’t understand confidence in women,” I frowned once, shaking my head, “Little advice from one ruler to another? Shut your mouth before any more of your insecurities show.” I brushed past him and back to the dining room, not giving him a backward glance or a second thought.