True Luna by Tessa Lilly (The Darkness Within)
The White Wolf Series Book 5 – CHAPTER FORTY-THREE – I Killed Them All
(Sophia’s POV)
I killed them all.
I watched them die with a smile on my face.
I wanted to hurt my own family. I wanted to hurt my mom. I said some horrible things to her. I said horrible things to my brother and my dad.
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And my mate…
I didn’t want him. I didn’t care about him.
I sobbed again. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t lift my head and look at Lex. I was so ashamed of everything that I did and said.
“I missed you,” Lex mumbled again.
Oh, I missed him too. I missed him so much. I thought that I would never see him again. I thought that I would never talk to him again and it broke my heart. He was my best friend and I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. I missed him every second while I was gone.
“I asked them to bring you something to eat,” Lex said softly as he ran his f*ingers through my hair.
My stomach turned. I couldn’t eat.
“I’m not hungry,” I mumbled, my voice muffled because my head was buried in Lex’s c*hest.
“You have to eat, Fia,” Lex sighed. “It’s been a while since you last ate
something.”
And it would be a while until I ate again. I wasn’t hungry and I would be sick if I ate something. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t thirsty. All I felt was pain and shame.
I always knew something like that would happen. I always knew that I would hurt someone. I always knew that the darkness would take over and that I would become a murderer.
I should have done something sooner. I should have found a way to get rid of it sooner. I should have found a way to protect my family and friends from myself. I was dangerous and everyone should have stayed away from me.
Especially Hunter.
I couldn’t hurt him again. He deserved better. He deserved someone pure, not me. He deserved to be with someone who didn’t kill his grandfather.
I killed his grandfather!
Another wave of panic washed over me. I couldn’t breathe. My heart raced and my palms started getting sweaty.
I killed my mate’s grandfather!
I tried to breathe, but it felt like someone wrapped their hands around my
n*eck. I couldn’t breathe!
I lifted my head and gasped for breath.
“Fia!” Lex exclaimed as he cupped my cheeks and lifted my head.
I kept my eyes down. I couldn’t look at him. I was too embarrassed to look at him.
“Breathe, Fia, come on,” Lex said softly. “Everything will be okay.”
I forced myself to look up at him. His eyes were filled with tears and he looked like he was in pain.
“Nothing will be okay,” I managed to say breathlessly. “I killed my mate’s grandfather. How can I look him in the eyes ever again? How can I…”
My voice broke and another sob escaped me. I looked back down again. I couldn’t look at my brother for more than a few seconds. The embarrassment was going to swallow me whole.
“Goddess, Fia, do you really think that he cares?!” Lex exclaimed, lifting my head so I would look at him again. “He never even met the man! Even if he did, he wouldn’t f*ucking care! That man took you from us! He tortured you! He almost killed you! If you didn’t kill him, I would and I am sure that Hunter would help me do it.”
Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe Hunter would lock him up in a cell. Maybe he wouldn’t want him dead.
“What if..I mumbled, but Lex interrupted me.
“There is no if, Sophia,” he said sternly. “I am telling you what would have happened if you didn’t do it. I would have killed him with my own two hands. Hunter would have helped me. There would be no other option for him. He wouldn’t get out of that building alive.”
I heard what Lex said, but it didn’t help. It didn’t take away the fact that I had blood on my hands. I was still a murderer.
I couldn’t even make it easier on myself by calling it self-defense. It wasn’t self-defense. I killed them while they were screaming for someone to help them. I laughed while they died.
My stomach turned and I felt like I was going to throw up. I closed my eyes and bent my head down.
Lex leaned in and k*issed the top of my head.
“I know it’s hard, Fia,” Lex said softly. “We will go through it together. I am here for you.”
I knew that, but I didn’t want to taint him with my darkness. He didn’t deserve to be touched by it. He didn’t deserve a sister like me.
‘Stop it!’ Stella screamed as she broke through the barrier I was trying to hold up. ‘Stop it, Sophia! Alex loves you more than anything in this world. Hunter can’t live without you. You are exactly what Hunter wants and needs.’
I gulped and lifted the barrier between us again. I couldn’t listen to her now. I didn’t want to listen. I was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed of the human my wolf had to call hers.
Stella tried to break through again, but I pushed her back. I couldn’t do it now. I simply couldn’t.
I heard the door open and I glanced up. My heart raced when I saw my dad standing at the entrance to the room, holding a plate of food in his hand. “I was sure that Hunter would bring the food,” Alex mumbled.
“He wanted to, but I asked him if I could do it,” my dad said as he closed the door and approached us. “I wanted to talk to my princess.”
He placed the plate on the nightstand and came to sit next to me. I kept my head down the entire time.
My dad ran his f*ingers through my hair and leaned in to k*iss my temple.
“Alex, bud, can you give us a few minutes alone?” Dad asked, making Lex tense up.
“Dad…,” Lex spoke, but our dad interrupted him.
“Just a few minutes, buddy,” Dad said softly.
Alex tightened his hold on me and took a deep breath. He leaned in and k*issed the top of my head.
“I will be right back, Fia, okay?” he said softly.
I nodded. I couldn’t look up at him.
Alex let me go and stood up. He walked out of the room slowly.
I closed my eyes and leaned into my dad. He wrapped his arms around me and I managed to forget about my pain for a second.